​  By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

​Bad things can happen to good people. Divorce is a prime example.  Good people get divorced. Responsible people who are loving parents get caught in the decision to end a loveless marriage.

The consequences of that decision can either be life affirming or destroying, depending upon how each parent approaches this transition. Parents who are blinded by blame and anger are not likely to learn much through the experience. They see their former spouse as the total problem in their life and are convinced that getting rid of that problem through divorce will bring ultimate resolution. These parents are often self-righteous about the subject and give little thought to what part they may have played in the dissolution of the marriage.

Parents at this level of awareness are not looking to grow through the divorce process. They are more likely to ultimately find another partner with whom they have similar challenges or battles and once again find themselves caught in the pain of an unhappy relationship.

There are others, however, for whom divorce can be a threshold into greater self-understanding and reflection. These parents don't want to repeat the same mistake and want to be fully aware of any part they played in the failure of the marriage. Self-reflective people ask themselves questions and search within - often with the assistance of a professional counselor or therapist - to understand what they did or did not do and how it affected the connection with their spouse.

These introspective parents consider how they might have behaved differently in certain circumstances. They question their motives and actions to make sure they came from a place of clarity and good intentions. They replay difficult periods within the marriage to see what they can learn, improve, let go of or accept. They take responsibility for their behaviors and apologize for those that were counter-productive. They also forgive themselves for errors made in the past - and look toward being able to forgive their spouse in the same light.

These parents are honest with their children when discussing the divorce - to the age-appropriate degree that their children can understand. They remind their children that both Mom and Dad still, and always will, love them. And they remember their former spouse will always be a parent to their children and therefore speak about them with respect around the kids. 
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By applying what they learned from the dissolved marriage to their future relationships, these mature adults start the momentum to recreate new lives in a better, more fulfilling way. From this perspective, they see their former marriage as not a mistake, but rather a stepping-stone to a brighter future - both for themselves and for their children.  When you choose to learn from your life lessons, they were never experienced in vain. Isn't this a lesson you want to teach your children?
 
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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! 

Learn how to safeguard your kids so that you feel better and they do better!

If you need to take a parenting or co-parenting class, our parenting (or divorce) class, A Child's Life Depends on Peaceful Resolutions, is available 24/7 online or onsite at Port St. Lucie and Vero Beach, Florida. This is a perfect course for single parents, married couples, blended families, or couples going through a divorce. All participants receive an official certificate upon completion.

Life Works Parenting Tools is an international training facility offering parent education and certification. Our goal is to enhance the quality of life by expanding parent education and personal transformation seminars in the world. Life Works Parenting Tools as a team of trained and certified parent educators who teach classes, offer workshops, and make home visits.

Susan Dockerill is the founder of Life Works Parenting Tools and the owner of Life Works Resource Center in Stuart, Florida. Her mission is to improve the quality of people’s lives through education. Ten years of teaching children in public, private, and military schools at home and abroad, plus 17 years teaching and mediating with parents and teachers has given her the expertise to speak frankly about marriage, divorce, children, and being responsible for living the life of your dreams. Her style is up-close and personal. She entertains everyone who attends whether she is speaking in a jail or to a church group.

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